Yesterday, I was rewatching that one episode in aria
season one for like the fifth time. It was the episode where she visits the old
bridge and as she crossed it, something happen. Near the end of the episode, I
started wondering, does the city I live in has this kind of history too. I live
in Toronto, so I know that once upon a time pioneers lived here. What did they
see in this new land? What did they want from it? Do they have any hope of what
it will become? As I look back at the city now, I find it quite interesting
that so much changed in hundred something years. However, this also kind of
depress me as I realize that one day I will die and the world will just move on
and become something else.
Then I watched an episode in the origination where
Akari went to help on the gondola ferry (traghetto). Looking at that episode
makes me realize how the animation for Alicia has changed quite a bit, but more
importantly the series gotten a little bit more depressing. The kind of depression
I feel from it is closer to growing up, understanding things and realising the
reality upon us. We as audience know that Akari will pass the exam, but however
how does she feel at that moment? We don’t normally see you as main character
in a show, with so many possibilities and so much way we can fail, it is quit
depressing. All things has an end, eventually she will take the exam and become
a prima and like in arietta.
This is where it reminds me of something else, back
when I was in kindergarten, it was possible to succeed and get perfect, but as
we grow up, perfection seems closer and closer to impossible. Everything seem
to become less define as they were, there are no longer any “right answer”,
just answer that could be right.
Then the episode ends and the ending song came, this
ending song was quit depressing and in a way feel lonely for me. I have just
finished watching Sankarea, in the anime; the heroin dies and became a zombie.
However, even then reality hit quit hard. Even as a zombie, she is not immortal
and will undergo decay. This is make me thing how she is not different from a
normal human by any means, she will eventually decay and die and so will we. We
are technically decaying right now, every moment of our life. Knowing that, it
become painfully obvious that nothing in this world is eternal, everything will
eventually decay and disappeared. Then looking at the scale of thing, it become
quite obvious that I will die before any of that will happen and even then, the
world will go on. Thinking about how I will die, how that I will eventually be
forgotten.
This makes me constantly thing of something, about
my state of mind after I died. I will just disappear, wouldn't even thing and
will never think then I become nothing and decay and world move on and I will
know nothing of it. In fact, everything will one day disappear and become just
void. This just make my heart feel so hollow, a feeling of emptiness that
really hurt. This is when I know why people turn to religion, to fill that
emptiness and to gain relive from thinking about all of that. Knowing that
there is hope in afterlife allows them to pass on peacefully. Some other people
will try to achieve something, so that they will be immortalize in the memories
of the people who remember him.
This is exactly what made me write this page of
stuff which I will use to start my blog.